Had a real BINGE style eating / untracked meals on Saturday night. I knew what I was doing and didn't stop. Weight is only slightly UP from last check in (approx. 1 pound) I've also been stressed at work and have some personal things going on are needing attention
It really throws a person off. I like to be in control, I want to know what's going on and how to deal with it. I like to educate myself and I'm a chronic over thinker. I can be critical, of myself and others and I spend a lot of time in my own head
Being a Gemini I go back and fourth on opinions a lot. I'm not a liar, I just have a genuinely different opinion than I did last week.. I'm sure that can be annoying or look 'two faced' to people.
I'm sensitive and takes things personally before I think about it rationally.
Weird right? haha I do honestly have so many good days, I work hard at loving myself and need to work harder on giving myself a break. I am constantly over worked and over training. I 'thrive' on stress. Less sleep? that's fine. Extra shift? sure. I've already worked 6 days this week but I can stay late. Friends in town? I'll head out and stay late eventhough I'm so gassed, and feel a large amount of guilt if I can't be there
These are my CHOICES. I CHOOSE to do these things, and I don't see results as a part of it.
I know better, I know rest is best. I know in order to see changes I have to LET them happen!
I eat the foods, I lift the weights... why don't I look like _____ fitness model?
Could I if I actually rested? I really don't know, I've never done that
It's hard because people are engrained that working harder means more suffering, I wont get fat by sleeping in that extra 30 mins instead of walking on the step mill. I can write it down and even say it out loud. But, when thurs comes and I've been at work till 11pm and my alarm goes off at 545am I still think I need to get up and out the door so that I can get that sweat in before I head to work
I wake up excited, I have that energy to move and get going. I watch youtube videos while I'm on cardio machines. I really enjoy it. Sometimes I'll even stay longer on a machine because I want to finish / watch a new video
These are the things that I enjoy ... I don't have a family (babies or pets). My spouse and I don't NEED to spend every minute together. I work three jobs play sports and visit with friends and family every week. I have a very fulfilling and blessed life.
I get tired, I think negative thoughts, I can be short tempered from time to time
but I'm TRYING. I'm trying to better my personal thoughts, I'm trying to see the big picture. I'm trying to see things from another persons perspective
I'm making strides but these things take time and effort every single dam day
today was a long day, tomorrow I have the day OFF from all work and I have a weekend away with my hubby
no workouts, no tracking, just going to try and enjoy it
wish me luck!
And thanks for reading :)